Officially a Member

I went to the open house this afternoon and it was wonderful! There were 3 middle-aged woman who happily greeted myself and Kristen. Their energy was so positive and upbeat- it reminded me of the things I loved most in college, such as Orientation, NCBI, and Middle Earth. I felt right at home because that's absolutely my kind of vibe. "K" and I were the only ones there so it was quick and simple. They gave us a bunch of little goodies and a basic overview of the WW program. I knew immediately that this was right for me, so I signed up then and there. I'm officially a member of Weight Watchers!

Now I just need to figure out which meetings to attend. I can look them up online, by time or group leader, but I won't know anything about the leader except their first name. The woman who did most of the talking today normally works at a different WW Center, so she didn't seem too familiar with the programming there. I wish I knew ages, weight loss amount, etc because that would probably be helpful to find a leader that most matches with my goals. Honestly, I get along with basically everyone I meet, so it really doesn't matter anyway. Instinctively, I'd say I'd like a young person who lost a lot of weight. But maybe having that "mother hen" will be more what I need? Besides, I'm sure the age range of actual members varies and there'll be others there my age. If not, oh well. I've never had a problem meshing with any group of people in my entire life! Piece of cake!

I'm very excited about this. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high because once my head is in the clouds, I start think outside realistic goals and ultimately end up disappointed. It didn't take me 6 months to get this way, so I hardly expect it will take a mere 6 months to undo it. I want to take it slow... to let the process work and really sink in. As I mentioned last post, there's a lot of identity transformation in weight loss and I don't think that's something to be rushed. I need time to slowly understand my new body and new lenses. But I have confidence that with this new support program, I can finally reach my goals!

Open House Tomorrow

I'm going to a Weight Watchers open house tomorrow. I'm pretty nervous, but I think it will be better than just showing up at a weekly meeting. This should give me a chance to get a better sense of what the whole program is about. Some other members have mentioned not loving their initial group leaders. So they "shopped around" a little until they found a meeting that felt really comfortable. The place where it is offers meetings every day of the week at various times and has several leaders, so I'm hoping I won't have any issues.

Looking back, its sort of strange that I didn't think to do WW before. But I guess I didn't really find it appealing. It didn't seem like the type of thing that would work for me. But now that I've done more research- it makes perfect sense. Of COURSE having a support system built into your weight loss program would be helpful! Weight loss is really very personal and private. Especially since I don't really have friends that can relate. Every time I try to "be healthy" and lose weight, I do it alone and thats really difficult. Having supportive people who understand the struggle will hopefully be just what I need to push through the harder times. I'm anxious, but definitely looking forward to it.

At least 5 people I know have lost a significant amount of weight using WW. Two of which have kept it off (the other three are still in the process of losing). I sent a FB message to my friend "L", asking her about the program and this was her response:


Hey!

Weight Watchers has changed my entire life! I started the program in November of 2008. I weighed in at 280 pounds! Today, I weigh 182...2 pounds shy of 100 pounds down! But in all honesty, it goes beyond the number of pounds you weigh or the number weight you're trying to reach...the biggest thing I've gained from the program is confidence! I'll be forever greatful for that! I highly recommend WW also because they teach you how to eat REAL food! It's a healthy way to lose weight...and in conjunction with a little exercise...you can achieve amazing results!

If you go to Weightwatchers.com....you can search for a meeting nearest you. I would reccomend going to the meetings...because you get support there that you can't get online...

:)

If you have any other questions about it, feel free to ask me any time!

L

That message was really encouraging to me and the final push I needed to convince myself that it was time to go. I have a good feeling about this!!

Identity and Weight Loss

I am so terribly afraid of failure (which I'm sure I'm not alone in). As much as I long to be thin and healthy, I'm so afraid that if I start to lose weight, I'll get overwhelmed with the pressure to lose more, or at least not GAIN it back.

And the reality is that losing weight (especially 100+ lbs, like I need to) is a total shift in identity. I've been the "fat girl" for SO long! I start to wonder if losing weight will even register within my psyche.

I once heard Kate Winslet say that even though she lost weight, she still felt like the fat girl. That although she was physically thinner, all the mentality of being overweight was still very present. I think we so often imagine ourselves as thinner and assume we'd automatically have the confidence to match it. Perhaps thats not true.

I also think that the process of losing weight creates a shift in identity that happens in stages. We begin as fat- then we become fat people losing weight- then we reach a point where we're visibly thinner- and if we're lucky enough to reach our goal weight, we become a thin person. The transformation, though a desired outcome, is still very taxing on the soul. A world that we once understood through the lens of our fat glasses no longer makes sense. Our understanding of ourselves- in relation to our world and the people in it- no longer applies. I may walk into a boutique perfectly capable of wearing all the clothes they sell, but in my mind- will I still feel like the girl who everyone stares at, wondering "what is SHE doing here?!"

What if I am thin and still hate myself? Then what?

Pilot

This is my first blog post on my new site. Hopefully I will stay active on it and have actual progress to track. I just joined the Weight Watchers online community and its pretty overwhelming. I'm hoping to attend a local WW open house this weekend so I can learn a little more about the program and get a vibe for the people. I WANT to go to meetings, because I know the social support would be tremendous, but I have a lot of anxiety about it.  What if they hate me?  What if I don't fit in?  Ugh.